Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
