My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
