I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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