dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
