well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize