I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
