Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
a search helicopter?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
