I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
