They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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