I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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