Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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