Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
