He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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