my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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