This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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