im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
