He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize