If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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