This dress was meant to end up on your floor
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
