you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
