I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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