I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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