i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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