I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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