I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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