I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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