cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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