she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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