Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
