is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know her cup size but not her name....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
