Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
