So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
