I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
