We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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