like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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