3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
