It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
