I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
