I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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