even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's shark week go big or go home
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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