My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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