you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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