Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize