It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
