Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
