fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize