why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
