wat bout pragnant strippers??
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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