turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
