i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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