So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
