Can i not drive my cunt home
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
