This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
