Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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