Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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