My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
