Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I supernannyed him into submission
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
