How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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