I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You can't just leave with hair like that
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
