The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
