Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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