Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize