u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
