I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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