i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
