I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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