Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
