So drunk its hurt
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
