i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
