I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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