is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
