Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
