I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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