Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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