i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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