I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
