Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
