we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
