so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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