Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
