umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
