I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
