Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
