Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize