Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
