It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
