i think my mom watched the whole time
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
