Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dignity is for republicans.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
