She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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