i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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