Soap is not a condiment
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
