just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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