No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
