Im at strip club and am horny
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
